Pink Elephants!

I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet but I think I'm going to use this cute little guy for something for the team for our walk! Isn't he awesome!

Almost there!

As of last night I am 56% of the way to my goal for Making Strides!!!! I have decided that I am wearing Mom's shoes for the walk, then she'll be with me every step of the way!

Making Strides

Meal Planning

Saturday- Corn Chowder and homemade bread.
Sunday- leftovers
Monday- Candy Apple Glazed Chicken, Rice, Asparagus
Tuesday- Sloppy Joes, tater tots, green beans
Wednesday- Steak, roasted potatoes, green beans
Thursday- leftovers

Time, Pears and the Holidays

Time is moving by, its been almost 3 months. It doesn't seem real some days and others it seems like I have been living in this new "normal" for longer than 3 months. I have said through all of this several times that it feels like it was January of 2010 when I lost my best friend even though she was still here. In February and March I thought I had her back for good, but I was wrong. I think that is why this grieving process is so different for me. I "lost" her almost 9 months ago, as opposed to only really 3 months ago. That is why the tears seemed so few right after because there were none left.

This weekend is the Pear Festival back home. We were going to go but E had to work. I almost think its a little better this way. I won't have to worry about people asking me in the lowered tones of most, " How are you doing?" I feel like when people lower their voices and ask this they are wanting me to be sad and broken, and that in itself makes me sad and broken. I'm not as broken as I was before. But I'm not finished with the tape and glue quite yet either. All of this is going to take a while. The Pear Festival reminds me so much of my Mom. There is so much happiness in a day like today when I was growing up. Its making me hurt a little that I can't be there today but part of me is glad I'm not as a said before. The other reason I'm glad we didn't go is because last year and the Pear Festival mom was in a lot of pain. It was before they knew anything was wrong. Last year was also my first taste of doing something with my MIL that I normally do with my Mom. It was fun but not the same. It was just a lesson and a precursor of what is to come.

My Mom in law has been amazing through all of this. She told me when it first started in January that she would always do what she could to help me, but she knew she could never replace my Mom. I like knowing that she wants to try and do the things my Mom did with me, but I love knowing that she knows it will never be the same. She knows this because she has been there in a way. Her Mom died too. And her MIL was there to help her learn how to keep going, just like she is there for me.

On to the other point of this post. The Holidays are coming up. I think I just want to bury myself in a deep dark cave and hibernate all of winter like a bear. I don't know that I am ready for this. Actually I know I'm not ready. The Holidays are my favorite time of year and were my Mom's as well, and the overwhelming feeling I get when ever I think of them fast approaching can only escalate until they get here. And then what are those days and weeks going to be like. They are going to be different, they are going to be painful and I don't know that I'm ready.

The other day I was thinking that my tear soup had made its way to the freezer already to be taken out only when need be, but now I am seeing that I'm done with the body of the soup but the spices aren't quite right. That is why it feels like I am working on it less, but I am in fact still working on it. Its going to take a little more time, and I am learning again that I don't need to rush it.

* Tear Soup is in reference to the book Tear Soup*

Meal Planning

Sunday: Tacos
Monday: Some sort of quiche, I haven't decided what type yet.
Tuesday: Steak for E, roasted red potatoes, corn.
Wednesday: Leftovers
Thursday: Candy Apple glazed chicken, asparagus and rice
Friday: Going to Dad's.

Happieness

Do you ever have days where you wake up and you are just incredibly happy? There is really no reason for it, your just happy.

For me it was waking up and realizing there were some clouds in the sky and it was going to be a cool fallish day. E was going to go into work but decided to spend the day with me. We went to the farmers market and bought our fruits and veggies for the next week. We walked by one stand and they had fresh pressed apple juice! It reminded me of being a kid and going out to our friends apple orchard and getting fresh juice. The man was so kind and let us sample it, it was delicious! So we bought some of that too.

And then we went to Costco where I had to stop my husband from wanting to buy the whole store as usual. Today specifically it was the toy section.

We spent the early afternoon cleaning, and then I napped. Once I woke up we have been watching movies all afternoon. I made pizza for dinner which was delicious, but I learned that if you want basil on your pizza you put it on right after it comes out of the oven otherwise you have dried basil on your pizza! But it was still yummy.

So it was a happy day. I'm glad those days are coming back. I still miss my Mom but the pain is getting less and less every day. I just remember all our happy moments together and it makes it better.

Dear Momma

It's almost been 3 months. I miss you, it hurts everyday but things are getting to be "normal" again. If that's even possible. There have been some amazing things happen this summer that we can only contribute to you letting us know that your here with us. Your plants that you planted in the flower bed in front of the hot tub that Miss Dawn gave you got very tall and bloomed this week. Daddy sent me a picture.

E and I are doing good. I got a job, but I think you already know that. I feel like you picked out this office just for me. Its perfect and small and I love it there. School is going well. I'm in a place right now that I don't know where I want to go from here school wise. I know that when I am ready I will know what I am suppose to do.

I miss you every day Momma. It still doesn't feel like it's real. But I know your not gone, your always with me.

Love your Mojo.

Meal Planning

Well this week is my second week of working 3 days a week and going to school the other two. Its fun and I'm loving my job it just means planning things I can make and put in the fridge during my lunch break and then cook when I get home. I'm going to try that this week and see how it works.

Monday-Lasagna, green beans, garlic bread
Tuesday- Mini meatloaves, mashed potatoes, green beans.
Wednesday- Leftovers
Thursday-Cranberry Glazed Chicken , white rice, asparagus.
Friday- Homemade pizza
Saturday- Enchiladas, Spanish rice.

Lasagna

Lasagna

1 package no boil lasagna noodles

1 jar spaghetti sauce (whatever type you like)

1 lbs ground beef or turkey browned fat drained.

1 16oz container part skim ricotta cheese

4-8 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

In a large bowl mix together cooked meat, sauce, and ricotta cheese, place small amount of mixture in the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish cover with noodles, place more mixture onto of noodles and then place cheese. Continue to layer in this manner until the pan is full. Make sure you place cheese over the top. Add 1 cup water to the pan and cover with foil, bake at 350 for 1 hour covered or until bubbly.

Note that this can also be done in the crockpot, with the same recipe. Cook on low for about 4 hours.

Home

They always say Home is Where Your Heart is. But what if a piece of your heart is missing? I have discovered in the last two months that Home is not necessarily a place, its a feeling you have in your heart. For me its the warm cozy feeling I have when I think of my family, when I picture my Mom's face in my memories. Its remembering baking cookies on stormy afternoons with my Grandma.

It's coming home with the hemline of my pants soaking wet from the rain and finding a towel left on the dryer for me by my college roommates. Its putting on jeans and rain boots and my bright red rain coat and sloshing through the puddles like a little girl once I made it back to campus for the afternoon.

Its arriving home at almost 10pm the night before Thanksgiving, after having driven in the pouring down rain with windshield wipers that need replacing to find my Momma and little brother waiting for me.

Its moving into your first apartment with your new husband and decorating it just so. Its making him dinner that you might not even eat yourself because you know he will love it.

Home is all of these things. Home is not just a place, its all of the memories you have connected to that place. The things that bring you back to that warm cozy place without having to actually be there.

Small Towns, 4-H Kids and Pigs

I have always loved the small town I grew up in, its supportive and kind. But this weekend something happened during the livestock auction at the county fair that amazed me.

There was a little girl in one of the 4-H groups who was diagnosed with Leukemia a few months ago, she used to sell a pig at the auction every year and this year was unable to. During the auction they stopped for a moment and they announced that J's 4-H group decided to raise a pig in her honor and auction it off, the proceeds would go to her family. Well the pig got auctioned off once, for $11.50 per pound, then donated back. Auctioned off again for $10 per pound, then donated back again. The 3rd and last time it was auctioned off it went for $9.50 a pound. All of the money will go to J's family. It's amazing the love and care in small towns.

Fall

I can feel it coming. Its in the air in the crispness of the morning and the coolness of the night. I love fall, or really the space between when summer ends and fall begins. It only last for a few days but its my favorite time of year. And then fall is just the cherry on the cake!

And our county fair is just the start of fall for me! Oh its such a wonderful thing, E and I are going to go to the Livestock Auction on Saturday and watch my brother in the muding competition on Saturday evening. It should be fun. M has done a lot of work on his truck and it looks awesome. Mom always loved how involved M got in his projects, whether he saw them all the way through or not, she would be so proud of him.

Dad's birthday is Saturday, we are going to do a little BBQ for him. Its hard to think that Mom is not here but she is with us in spirit.