How to describe how I am feeling?

I don't even know where to start. I pride myself on my eloquence and right now there is none left in me. I'm exhausted from trying to be "okay". I want to feel the same as I did a few weeks ago and know I never will. I want to break something. E suggested glass but I have nothing I don't want to loose. Ugh. I just don't like feeling out of control even though I am not really out of control. That doesn't make any sense but that is how I feel.