Two years. Two whole years. At the end of the month it will officially have been 2 whole years since the last time I held your hand in mine. The last time I kissed your check, the last time I told you I love you in your presence. I can't even believe it some days. Some days it feels like it was yesterday, other days it seems like its been even longer. It hurts Momma. It hurts bad, so so bad.
Its gotten easier but its still hard. It still hurts, it still makes me have days where I want to hide inside and cry my eyes out and not have anyone see me cry. Other days I'm fine. June has been a terrible month for me so far Momma. I feel like I'm loosing my mind some days, other days I'm myself. I don't know which way is north anymore. I feel like loosing you made me loose my true north. I know I need to find it myself and that your here right next to me guiding me, but sometimes I need to hear those encouraging words that only you knew I needed to hear.
Sometimes I wish I had been older when Grandma died so that I would have been better able to observe how you dealt with everything. Sometimes I think I'm doing the right thing other times I don't even know how to get through the day. Those days are less now but June seems to be the worst month of the whole year.
Oh and as I typed this I cried my eyes out. I feel a little better now. I forget how therapeutic my writing is. I need to do this more.
Okay Momma I'm done for now. I love you.
Thinking of you!
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